An Open Letter to John Mayer Part 3
Dear John Mayer,
I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but I’m breaking up with you.
I think you are a really great guy–talented, charming, funny, sexy. It is just that you did something that I am finding really hard to get over.
It wasn’t the fact that I read an article in US Weekly that said that you liked having kinky sex with your girlfriends and telling everyone about it.
I can forgive you for that. (Truth be told, I was only slightly turned on disturbed by this.)
It wasn’t that you may or may not have been caught in a hot tub with 4 girls in Cabo after Jennifer Aniston may or may not have broken up with you because you may or may not have cheated on her with a fan.
I can forgive you for that since I appreciate entertainers who are friendly with their fans.
It wasn’t even that the article said the only reason you dated Jennifer in the first place was to see why Brad Pitt wouldn’t want her.
That is just plain mean, and didn’t sound like the man that writes such heartfelt love songs. I would never believe any of these vicious lies.
There is just one thing that I just can’t get over. The final straw that broke the camel’s back was when I saw the video of you talking about your breakup with Jennifer Aniston.
I appreciate you trying to clear the air, but I just can’t get over the fact that you did this to your hair:
Why, John, why? It just doesn’t make any sense. You looked so hot with your boyish, retro 80’s cut. Why mess with a good thing?
I stuck with you during your freakishly big hair days, because I figured it was just a phase you were going through. Maybe you were just trying to look like your girlfriend at the time, Jessica Simpson:
You may not have gotten the memo, John, but only one of my pretend boyfriends has my permission to shave their head and that is him:
Ok, and maybe him (but only when he is playing the role of a sexy police cadet for a movie):
But you (and James McAvoy) are not allowed to do this. Ever.
I can find it in my heart to forgive you for this indiscretion (and all the other stuff if in the off chance any of it is true) if you could do me one little, teeny, tiny favor.
You see, you are doing another one of those cruises. You know, the one where you pulled this stunt:
And I would LOVE to go, but there is one little problem. I spent the remainder of our vacation fund on last year’s trip to Disney World and my husband has put his foot down about taking anymore vacations until next summer.
Since your Mayercraft Carrier departs in March, that presents a bit of a problem.
So, I am once again petitioning you (and the Universe). If you could find it in your heart to give away one empty stateroom (preferably next to yours), I would love to accompany you on this little voyage.
Ok, and my husband would of course have to come too, but these are just minor details.
Thank you for your time and feel free to email me about the cruise.
Jen (Last Name is not Aniston)
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18 Responses to “An Open Letter to John Mayer Part 3”
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Good thing you specified that your last name is not Aniston. You just may have a shot! Fingers crossed!
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haha if I were John Mayer I’d totally give you tickets (and then I’d sing to myself allll day)
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Really? I think he looks great with the new cut. I’m a sucker for a shaved head though.
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Getting away from topic at hand……Mr. Gosling and Ms. McAdams had dinner in Toronto last night.
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At least he can grow his hair back. Matt Damon can’t do anything about his nasty lips.
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I was so LMAO @ that neon green man-suit contraption he was wearing and I have seen the pic too many times-it still cracks me up!
I hope you make it aboard the mayercraft cruiser
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I think I just became a fan. Love his new hair, or lack of. Love the man-suit. Still working on the music part, though.
Did I say I love the man-suit???
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All I have to say about John Mayer is . . . ewwwwwwwwwwww. His head is enormous.
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A couple of things I agree with from other people’s comments… First, Yes, ewwwwwwwwwwwwww to John Mayer! and YES, his head is enormous (as I’ve commented before!). However, with his new shaved head I feel like his head is a tad smaller now (still too big, but not as big). Maybe his head looked larger than normal b/c of ALL the floppy hair he had on that enormous skull of his – not sure. But I do agree, “love his new hair”, or at least I like it better than before. However again, some of the things he said about Jennifer and their break-up was not cool (I repeat, not cool John!) and therefore he is still at the bottom of the barrel for me. Oh, and if he ever comments on how he wants privacy and the papo are too much I’ll be really annoyed as he obviously doesn’t mind talking publicly about certain things. Notice Jen hasn’t commented – of course not, she has class.
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That picture is so damn frightening. Ugh. Please. Erase. From. Memory.
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Ack! That green suit picture is going to haunt me!
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Wow. I love that you put that video up, because I have never heard the man speak and don’t know anything about him, other than that I have never liked his hair! haha I loved that he is such a cool guy; he sounds smart and kind and just like a decent guy. And I like his hair, sorry
Poor Jen…
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I have to admit, I’m likin’ his do (or lack of one). But I’m married to a former Marine (is that even possible?!) so I’m pretty much a sucker for a shaved head. Oh, don’t get me wrong, l loved his crazy curls and all. I just like this look too. When he calls me later to ask if he should grow it back out or keep it short, well, I’m going to have to confess that I’m on the fence.
He does that you… call me every evening asking for hair advice.
We’re close like that.
The night before he wore that freakish neon green string contraption thingy, he called to see what I thought of his silly idea and I had to tell him that those strings don’t do anybody a favor, not even him.
But he’s stubborn. So he decided to wear it even after our heart to heart.
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You are not going to like me for this…BUT I LOVE his new shaved hair!!! In fact I prefer it over his usual do. In fact watching that clip I completely tuned out what he was saying and may have drooled a little bit. In fact his hottness went soo up for me I need to see more pics of him. Excuse me while I stalk him.
Are we still friends??
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Best of luck…you never know:) AND, I do love the new hair…he looks more like a bad boy now.
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Very funny!!! Thank you for the laugh, I needed one today!
I agree on the hair, can’t we just find a happy medium between the way too long and the way too short?
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