Coming Out of the Blog Closet
I have a question that has been weighing heavily on my mind, so I thought I’d put it out there to my small group of readers.
For those of you that have a blog, how many people in your real (non-internet/real world) life know about it?
Do you keep it a complete secret? Do only a few select close friends or family know? Or are you an all-out attention whore who makes up little business cards with your blog address and give them to everyone you come in contact with?
The reason I’m asking is because I am struggling with a decision that I made a few days ago.
Up until last Friday, only three people in my real world knew about this blog. My husband , my brother and his girlfriend.
Of course I had to tell my husband because I tell him everything. (Except for today when I spent waaayyy too much at Macy’s–let’s keep that our little secret.)
Although he is well aware of the blog, he doesn’t really show much interest in it. If I want his opinion on something I’ve written I have to hold him down against his will and read the post to him. He pretends to be amused (hoping to win points to be redeemed later, if you know what I mean). Personally, I think he is just happy that I’m busy with ”my little hobby” and that I’m out of his hair so he can watch more sports. I’m not bitter. Do I sound bitter, because I’m not.
The next person I came out of the blog closet to was my brother. He’s pretty much as weird as I am so I figured that he wouldn’t look down on me too much. His girlfriend was there at the time so they both got to read it. They seemed entertained by what I had written, but both agreed that I probably should go back to work because I have too much time on my hands.
Not exactly a terrible response, so I figured it was time to move on to stage 2 of the revealing process: My friends.
Big Mistake.
I emailed the link to 3 of my closest friends. I don’t know what I was thinking. Now that it’s “out there” I think I prefer being anonymous. If someone reads a post and thinks, “Wow this gal is a complete lunatic.” but they live 3875 miles away, what difference does it make. They can judge me all they want and I’ll never have to look them in the eye.
Plus the response I got from the girlfriend focus group was mixed to say the least:
Friend #1: I LOVE your blog. I must admit I’ve never really read any before, but you are good at it.
Hooray! A good review! Well, before I could feel too elated, my bubble was quickly burst.
Friend #2: (Days go by without a response. Finally I call to see if she is mad at me for something I may have written because, clearly, I’m neurotic. Once I’ve got her cornered I ask her about it.) Your blog? Oh it’s neat. (In the most unconvincing voice ever.)
So I push and get to the bottom of it. I should have just stuck with “neat”.
She doesn’t get it. She doesn’t understand what it’s about. Why don’t I pick just one topic to write about? She thinks I’m lost. She thinks I’m bored. She thinks I should go back to work.
She’s probably right.
Friend 3: Ditto friend #2’s response. They discussed it and agree that it’s weird.
So, if you’ve lost track, here is a handy dandy pie chart to further illustrate that I have too much time on my hands the results of my first test market study of my blog on my real life friends:
I’ve decided to not share with anyone else. Too much pressure.
So, please tell me in the comments section that I’m not alone. Do your friends and family know about your blog? What do they think of it? Should I stop blogging and hide in the corner in shame?
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My family does know, but they don’t show a lot of interest. The truth is, it scares most people. We understand something they don’t and it’s threatening……your job is to get them blogging too!
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Pretty much everyone I know is aware that I write a blog. I’m not sure how many check it regularly. I know my mom does! Sometimes I like that they can read my blog and get little updates on our life. Other times I wish that NO ONE knew about my blog so that I could complain about people like my fatherr-in-law! I also sometimes want to post about gift ideas but don’t want to spoil the surprise.
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I told everyone I know about my blog, but only a few of them read it. Like greenstylemom, sometimes I wish I didn’t tell them so I could complain about them or so I could talk about certain things without censoring myself. On the whole, though, no one has given me any reason to feel weird about doing it. Nor should you! it’s fun, isn’t it? I like reading your blog, so you better not quit, anyway. I don’t get what’s not to get, but let me share with you something a friend of mine used to say: Some will, some won’t, so what, who’s next??
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Nope, no one knows. I asked my husband if he would mind if I had a blog and if I posted pictures of us and he said no. Of course, I was already blogging when I asked but still. I’m undecided as to whether I will post photos of my son. The idea is still a little scary to me.
I have some friends who have known me since we were in 5th grade. If I knew they were reading, I think I’d be afraid they were looking for the me THEY know. My site is still me, but it’s me unfiltered. So far I haven’t told any stories of friends or family that put them in a negative light, but who knows? I’m not sure I want to lose that. And I’m not sure I’m ready for an audience I “know.”
As for your friend “not getting” your site? Maybe she had some type of expectation or doesn’t understand what a blog is. I agree with Smellyann- what’s not to get? Keep doing what you do.
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I’ve only told a handful of people. A couple friends know and a few sisters but all but one of them have blogs of their own so I feel “safe”. But I struggle with deciding whether or not to “reveal” myself also. After hearing the responses you got I think I’ll just stay in my nice, dark bloggy-closet… =0)
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When I first started blogging, I told everyone about it-friends and family. No one said much. One of my sisters started commenting on it though, and told me it was neat. A few months later she started a blog. My brother has left me all but one comment in a year and a half. I had a few friends tell me that they really enjoyed reading my blog, and it helped them stay current on what was going on with me. They also told me that they didn’t understand how I could “put it all out there,” and write about my life.
I don’t think I “put it all out there.” In fact, there are a lot of subjects I don’t write about, and since my husband is very shy, and doesn’t like everyone to know “his business,” I’m careful about not writing about him, or our relationship. I try to write things that I would love to tell my friends and family, if I were in the room with them, or having a phone conversation with them.
It seems to me that the more people understand about blogging, the more accepting they are, and they “get” the blog. People who don’t really know what blogging is about, in my case, seem to be the ones who are a little more weird about it. Maybe they are afraid they will end up in my blog? I don’t know.
Since I know the potential is there for any of my friends and family to read it, I am mindfull at times of this. I try to be respectful, but on the other hand it is MY blog, and it is who I am. If someone doesn’t like what I wrote, I hope they know that is just a teenie tiny bit of who I am. Since I try not to write about deeply personal issues anyway, I haven’t had a problem that I know of yet…(okay one problem, but I don’t want to comment publicly about it. E-mail me if you want details.)
If you like blogging, keep doing it. If your friends don’t like your blog, they don’t have to read it. But you shouldn’t stop blogging because of them. In time, they may even come around. I think I have a lot of “secret” family member readers who have never told me they read it, but from my site meter, I see that they do (usually from work.) So they might secretly like the idea, but are just too unfamiliar w/ blogging to really know what to say about it.
Every now and then I wish I had a private blog so I could rant and rave, but that probably isn’t a post that would be that productive for me anyway.
You shouldn’t hide in the closet…you have a wonderful blog, and you are funny. You have nothing to be ashamed of. If you stop blogging because of your friends- THEN you should go hide in the closet in shame, because you are not being true to yourself. Never hide in shame because you are sharing your gifts with others.
I’ll get off my soap box now. Hope that helps. Oh, and I LOVE, LOVE your blog.
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When I was younger I use to blog a lot about my personal life, rather than sticking to one ‘niche’ topic. I also let all of my local and non-local friends in on it. Sometimes it would make people mad, sometimes it would make people happy. Needless to say, I don’t blog like that anymore. And any sites I do own now, I don’t really talk about to my local buddies who don’t understand computer ‘mumbo jumbo’. So yeah, keep it to yourself, and the people who come here to actually read it. They are the interested ones I guess huh? Anyways, nice site
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Only a few friends know I blog and read it. My husband doesn’t even know. Why? I don’t know, I just never told him. He thinks blogging and being on the internet to connect with people is weird, and he already thinks I’m weird enough. I mostly write about the kids and learning to live with my daughter’s special needs, so it’s not exactly super exciting or earth shattering. A few friends who don’t live nearby like to read to keep up with what we’re doing. I’ve never told my parents, so that I can vent about them in the event that I need to do so.
I wouldn’t worry about your friends who don’t like it. It’s a form of entertainment, and everyone has different preferences for entertainment.
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You know I’ve actually got my url blasted on that space that is mine where most of my family and friends are. Maybe 1 or 2 have actually stopped by. Which I think I’m actually ok with. A lot of people just don’t get it.
I finally gave in and gave my url to a co-worker friend after he kept badgering me for it. Anyways I honestly think it probably depends on how comfortable you feel with the person on who reads it.
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My friends and hubby know about my blog, but not my family. I don’t want my family to know about my blog because I don’t want to worry about censoring everything I write.
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Weeeeell, after reading this I decided I must chime in. I have shared my blog with a few real life friends, but mostly because in the beginning I didn’t have ANY blog stalkers of my own *grin* However, I rarely share it with my real life friends unless I find out that they too have a blog.
People who don’t blog, really they just don’t understand! But i love blogland! It’s so much fun! These people are seriously missing out
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Um, so far one person IRL knows about my blog–and it isn’t my husband. I just haven’t gotten around to telling my husband about it–he won’t think it is strange, he’s used to me and my internet obsession. I’m still debating whether or not I want to expose my blog to family and friends. They probably will think I’m weird for writing all this stuff online.
~ Sarah
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I told everyone I knew, and out of that huge friend and family base, only a few people read. It’s frustrating, because to me it shows they don’t care about what’s going on with me, and I wish I’d never set myself up for that disappointment. Those that do read, though, say they love it.
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That’s funny. That pie chart is the best. One person I know has read maybe one post. I got the “Um…that’s funny. So where do you want to eat?” response. I won’t ever tell anyone else. Although I have thought about emailing everyone I’ve ever even met for the comments.
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Fantastic post…..I told my good friends about my blog. Two of them read it religiously and always comment…even though they don’t have their own blog. The other ones?? They don’t understand it at all. They have no idea why I would put my life out there…they think child molestors probably read it and want to stalk my kids….blah, blah, blah. The one thing I’ve learned is…..most non-bloggers just DON’T get it. At all.
So I’ve learned for the future to be selective about who I tell about my blog.
I’m so happy my pretend blog friends just “get it”……we bloggers are so misunderstood!!
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I got the weird get a life from my sister, my Mom doesn’t get it, but they both think it’s cool that companies send me stuff to review. I just had to share the weirdness of getting 2 full size bottles of dishwasher detergent UPS… DH actually got me started. Other than that I don’t know if anyone else has read it, or could figure out it’s me if they did. I do it cuz it gives me a purpose & I like it.
Of course my sister who thinks I’m nuts is a myspace fanatic, so we each have our own oddities.
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This has been such a fascinating read!
First off, do you talk about Ryan Gosling in real life with your friends like you do on the blog…cos if not,that might be why they are worried.
Seriously, you’re a fantastic blogger, and they must not know much about blogging or they’d be able to see that right off.
I held off for awhile telling anyone about my blog, except for friends I haven’t seen in ages (long distance). Most of my readers for the longest time were people I had never met and my best friend from high school who is wonderful to faithfully read almost everyday.
In fact, like Mamasphere, when people don’t read now that I’ve told almost everyone, it stings a little. In fact, I say right on my facebook profile that it’s the best way to keep up with me. I can’t do all the online things (though I try) so I focus primarily on my blog (s). I wish everyone kept one!
I’ve heard other bloggers say that blogging really enriched their real life friendships. I wish that was true for me.
Lastly, I read blogs of people I knew in college or high school or abroad or whatever that I wasn’t super close to. I’ve enjoyed getting to know them better this way.
Sometimes people just don’t get blogging.
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My family knows about it but the only one to read it regularly is my sister. I don’t think she really “gets it” but always leaves comments so I know she doesn’t think I’m a weirdo or anything. Sometimes I send specific posts to my mom, stories about the kids that I know she would like, that sort of thing. I don’t think my dad ever reads it at all.
My husband has a blog of his own so he of course knows about it.
Several of the people I work with know about it and read regularly, and they seem to enjoy it (these are also people I consider friends so maybe that’s why). And I have it set up on my Facebook account to show a link whenever a write a new post so some of my “friends” from Facebook (mostly people I know from high school) have discovered it that way too and left comments saying that they like it.
So long story short, I guess I’m pretty much out there with it, although there are a few of my friends that I haven’t bothered sending the link to because I KNOW they wouldn’t understand. So why bother?
I am careful about what I write regarding my rocky relationship with my in-laws because although I don’t think my mother-in-law knows about it she could find it pretty easily if she were so inclined. Other than that I’m pretty uncensored, I think.
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Most of my friends know about my blog, but I’ve never asked them for their opinion of it. I have a few (my hubby included – gasp!) that love it and read it regularly. I figure its just not *for* the others. Fine by me, too. Most of my friends already think I’m weird and love me anyway, so if blogging isn’t their *thing*, its just part of my quirky weirdness to them.
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Found your blog through McMommy and love it. My family knows about my blog and, most of them, think it is ‘cool’ that I have one. I have never told any of my friends and doubt that I ever will. I don’t think they’d get it, and, even if they did, I wouldn’t be able to blog about them. You’re blog is great. Keep doing what you are doing.
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My closest friends know about my blog and they know where to find it, but they only know about it after the ONE friend I told went on and on about how much she enjoyed it, blah blah blah… She opened my closet door – and I didn’t even want it open! But, for the most part my in-real-life people just think I need to write a book and get it over with. Do you think they’d actually buy a book of my blogging? Me either.
My mother LOOKS for my new blogs every day or so, which I think is great, but then I hate it that she doesn’t comment. I can’t be happy – so I blog to myself. hahaha I think I have lots of lurkers… how do you get lurkers outta the dark??
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Well, I’m definitely not an expert blogger, so the main people that read (aka comment on) my blog are my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law. I think more of my family reads it, but they don’t comment. I told a couple friends about it, but either they don’t read it or they do read it and don’t comment! I don’t post every day, so that’s fine. My hubby says he likes to read it because he learns more about me. Apparently we need to talk more!
Julie
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For years I told no one but my husband. Then I told my sister who immediately told my mom who immediately told my dad. After that, it’s just been friends. I have yet to tell any of my in-laws although I think my husband’s cousin found it which could mean more in-laws could have it. My immediately family is very into it and my mom complains when I don’t blog. My husband has exactly the same attitude as yours.
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I’ve told my neighbors and a couple of friends. They read daily and seem to enjoy mine.
I haven’t told my mom but I can’t pinpoint the reason why I haven’t told her. I haven’t told anyone not to tell her or anything. I don’t write anything bad about her but…I guess I just want to keep something to myself and not have to share this with her. However, if she finds out about it, I won’t be mad.
I have it on my e-mail signature, so anyone that gets an e-mail from me can read it. I had forgotten about that when I responded to an e-mail from a friend of my mom’s. He likes it, though. Even with all the weird topics.
My aunt and her friends (by association, they’re my friends as well) know about it and like it, too.
However, I pretty much only get comments from my online friends. My real “peeps” tend not to leave comments. Don’t know why.
Emily
http://twodogsrunningsouth.blogspot.com
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When I first started a blog it was password protected (and still is) and I told all of my family and friends about it. Some of them read it but most don’t. Only one person, my sister, is into blogging so that’s why I think the rest don’t care about it. On that blog I really only update things about my kids for anyone that I feel might care. I’ve sort of been a slacker on that blog, though, since I know hardly anyone reads it.
Then I have my main blog. Only a few people that I know in real life know about my main blog. My mom and one friend know about it because I won an organizing contest a while back and I wanted them to see it, but I don’t think either one of them ever read it. At least they never say anything to me about it. I have not told anybody else about it, including my sister. I am really tempted to write, or complain, about some family members on it but I don’t just in case someone might come across it by accident. Some of my husband’s family members (cousins) have blogs, so I wouldn’t want to complain about family members and have it get back to anyone. I have no interest in people I know in real life reading it so I don’t tell people about it.
I have another blog that I definitely don’t want anyone I know in real life reading because it would be way too embarrassing. It is a weight-loss blog. I know everyone I know in real life can see that I’m fat, but I don’t really want them knowing the details of how much I weigh and what I eat every day. I do that blog for my own accountability and I don’t want to advertise that to family or friends.
My opinion about your blogging is that if your friends and family aren’t into blogging, they are definitely going to think it’s weird so it’s best to not let them know about it. People who don’t know what it’s about always think it’s weird. If any family or friends are into blogging I think it would be good to let them know about it because they know what blogging is about and will think it’s great that you have one.
Whether you tell people about it or not, as long as it’s something you enjoy don’t worry about what other people think.
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Dawn, I think your comment is interesting b/c I just started a totally annonymous blog annonymous to everyone. It’s kind of silly but it’s on a totally different topic and I want to see if I can build a readership that way.
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I usually only tell other people who have blogs, and then only if I’m friends with them. I did let everyone in our family know, but they’ve always been very supportive of my professional writing, so I felt comfortable sharing my hobby with them. Also in doing my blog, I stopped my private blog that I had shared with only my family, so I felt like I had to let them know that I’d still be blogging.
I think there are people who don’t get it in our lives, but there are plenty of people in this blogging part of our lives who understand perfectly what this is about.
If you didn’t blog, I never would have met you, and that would be a huge loss in my life! I say take the good comments and put the others in your junk drawer.
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I don’t say too much about it… just in case I want to say something I shouldn’t. But, my mom does know, and she actually reads it once in a while… so there goes that freedom.
Intersting question, and even more interesting were the comments!
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My friends and family are the only ones that know about it…therein lies the problem. So, I have to be a little sensitive.
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Oh how true of a post!
I told everyone at the beginning. But, my blog originally started out just to keep track of pictures for far away family. At that point I really didn’t say much.
Now, I ramble on non-stop. Not too many of my “real life” friends read the blog. As others have said, just don’t think they “get it”. But, hey, I do. And to me that is all that matters.
I actually had a friend tell me, why would you comment if you are never going to meet these people. And I wanted to say, I should never be nice ever, in case we don’t become the bestest of friends? Seemed odd to me.
So hey, from one nuerotic blogger to the next, KEEP BLOGGING!!
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My in-laws check the blog religiously, they keep me in check and make sure do not complain about real people too much. Although they have misinterpreted things a few times and I had to put out those fires! Usually it is great that they know about the blog, they can keep up on all the goings on. My side of the family NEVER checks the blog. In fact, once I posted a link to the craigslist listing where I was giving away my dad and he never saw it.
My good friends know about the blog and love it. My husband checks it everyday and shows it to everyone. I also check the stats and know who is on and who hasn’t checked in for a while. Yes, I am obsessed.
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Over from POW.
My family knows about my blog since I started it as a way for them to keep up to date on our family.
In retrospect, I might do it differently. I’m not sure that I’d want to be anonymous though. I’m not the type to trash anyone just because I think no one knows who I am writing about.
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Hi-
I found you through McMommy and found that your post hit the spot!
I have told my friends and family about the blog, but like yours-they just don’t get it.
Sure they like to read what the kids are up to, but as far as reading other blogs and making friends on other blogs-they just don’t get it! My mom even said, “You mom bloggers sort of live in your own world.” What?? Why is it so wrong to meet other mommies?
I love blogging. But like you-I probably just have to much time on my hands:)
Happy POW!
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Well, I had to come and comment with a question like that, and heck, a cool pie chart too!!!
Most everyone knows I have a blog. I told all my family very early on, and most of them are religious about reading it. My mom and dad and sister check it twice a day – I was shocked!!! But then they all have blogs too . . . many of my IRL friends read it regularly but never comment. It drives me nuts when 3 dozen people will tell me “I read that on your blog” but they won’t leave a comment!!! There are some of my friends who have never read it and probably never will, and like everyone else has said, there are just simply so many people that just “don’t get it”. I occasionally regret telling my family about it, b/c when I want to bitch about them, I can’t. So if I’ve had a really bad day and am stressed/upset/sad b/c of a family member or close friend, I usually don’t post b/c I’m not good at faking like I’m happy and have had a good day.
You only told three friends – that’s not a great cross section of the public – if you told three more I bet you they’d love it!!!
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I’ve been struggling with this a little bit lately. Here’s my story:
When Kid #1 was born we received a page on babysites.com which acted as a sort of digital babybook. After the gift subscription ran out, it got SPENSIVE, so I carved out a littlw hole on blogger.
I’m still fairly new to blogging and thought I could keep it about the kids.. and I do, mostly. But of course personal stuff about me has slowly starting to share the space and make it off topic about half the time. So it goes, right?
Well, the blog link has virally spread (thanks to my parents) and now the following people are some that I know look at it regularly:
- my dad’s co-workers. He’s a southern baptist pastor… great!!!
- distant relatives I never see
- some of my co-workers who literally stumbled upon it
- a few select friends who never comment
Hits to the blog are pretty decent but of course, comments are sparse. Thank goodness I don’t blog solel for comments – for now its still serving as a baby book I can look back on.
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Terrific post! So true. I originally sent everyone the link to my blog but nobody cared really to read it. They didn’t have a clue what a blog was. Now all my close friends happily read and blog in the states but here at home in the UK they think it is plain weird that I’d wanna publish my inner thoughts and happenings on the internet for any crazy person to read.
I think they’re the crazy ones!
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I let everyone know. Yes I even thought about the bussiness card thing (I was sick of writing it down). My husband reads it all the time. A great place to drop hints for my birthday and such. Sometime I wish he didn’t read it because I would like to complain about him but don’t want him to read it. Same goes with the family. I know many don’t even read it. I started it for a way to make a few bucks. I’m new at this only starting in March of this year. I learned about it from a friend. I now have two friends that started their blog’s from seeing how much fun I was having. I haven’t made much money but have had a great time. I really don’t care it someone thinks I’m crazy. I’m working on something new and enjoying it.
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Everyone and their grandmother’s knows about my blog. My husband even blogs…sometimes. Maybe two times a year through my blog.
For me, originally anyhow, it was more to do with keeping family in Europe and on the west coast up to date with our lives. But then it grew, morphed, I moved sites and am expanding, a little at a time. But everyone still knows about it.
But I’ve been struggling with this lately…There are days when I wish it was annonymous. I want to talk about my mom, or my sister, or just something that’s annoying me, but I don’t because 1.) I don’t want to be seen as “that” kind of blog and 2.) I am almost sure to offend a family member or close friend if I do.
However, with the prevalence of blogs, I think my family and friends would be genuinely shocked if they didn’t think I had a blog. They all know that for me, writing is an addiction, a compulsion I must feed.
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Maybe “Friend #2″ was just too busy (at the time) to really give you proper feedback about your blog??? I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it, just didn’t have the time to devote to reading it. And then when you called her, again, I’m sure she was just busy and preoccupied with stuff. She might also not be as tech savvy and understand really how blogs work. I mean, blogs like PerezHilton are easy to understand, and I don’t really consider that a blog, more so a celebrity site. Anyway…. don’t let anyone get you down. It’s a great blog and really makes me laugh!!! It also gives me a lot of insight as to your daily routine which is nice to read. A good distraction for while I’m at work
Keep blogging and making me laugh!
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I’m always dropping references to my blog to family and friends… they all know about it, but rarely comment if they actually are reading. There’s a shirt on the BloggyCouture cafepress store that is totally my life- it says, “By the questions you’re asking, I can tell that you haven’t been reading my blog.”
It’s funny that I started the blog FOR my friends and family, but now am more connected to the strangers that have stumbled upon it.
I loved this post, by the way- and I’ll be back for sure, and often!
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