Confessions of a Hopeless Homemaker

I was sitting in my pajamas a few days ago reading through all my favorite blogs.  Now this wouldn’t sound like such a bad thing except that it was almost one o’clock in the afternoon.  The house was in complete shambles.  I’m sure you can picture it–dishes piled up in the sink, laundry waiting to be folded on the couch, and a multitude of other items strewn about the floor.  (Note: If you can’t picture it that means you are some kind of complete neat freak who never has one of those days and has no business reading this blog.  Leave now before you I corrupt you.) 

Basically, I was having a slacker day.  I don’t do it all the time, but this was just one of those days that I really couldn’t get moving.  So I indulged myself in a little laziness.

So I’m just sitting there, eating me some good cookies, reading me some good blogs, and feeling generally content with the world when I hear a key in the front door.  There were only two people it could be-my mom or my husband- and either one would mean complete mortification.  Yet there was nothing I could do.  There was no way I had enough time to do a quick pick up, get dressed, and make myself look a little less like this:

There might be some of you asking yourself, “What’s the big deal?”  Well, the thing is, my husband has been trying to nudge me to go back to work now that the kids are both in school all day.  I told him that it would be much better for me the family if I am home because I can get things done during the day and we’ll have better quality time on the nights and weekends.  Well if he wasn’t buying it before, he sure isn’t buying it now.  

So when he walked through the door I probably had the same look on my face as I would have if he had caught me with the milk man (Can I just ask a question-why aren’t there milk men anymore?  I’m constantly running out for it and I’d love to have a cute guy in a white uniform bring me some, but that is a whole other post).  Anyway, I asked him why he was home in the middle of the day (hoping he didn’t just quit or get fired from his job and then I really would have to go back to work–the horrors).  He said he forgot some folder, blah, blah, blah.  Next it was his turn to ask why I was still not dressed and the house was such a mess.

The way I saw it,  I had 3 choices:

1.  I could tell the truth and admit that he is right.  I’m really only productive about an hour before he gets home and I should probably get a job to make up for the other 7 hours in the day.  (Of course that isn’t going to happen.)

2.  I could lie and make up some mystery illness.  The only problem with that is that I don’t lie to him.  About anything.  I’m a terrible liar, so I knew I’d start laughing in the middle of faking my malady and I’d be stuck resorting to option #1.  (Of course that could never happen.)

3.  Deflect him with sex, sports or food.  Husbands are pretty easy to trick.  Since there was no food to speak of and I had no new sports trivia to offer, I was left with only one option.  (And that is as far as the story will go because this is a pg rated blog with only mild references to sexual content.  You’ll have to use your imagination.  Or please don’t because that would just be too creepy.)

So, there you have it.  In two minutes one hour, I have managed to pretty much reverse the progress of the women’s rights movement.  You can thank me later.     

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April 18, 2008 | Filed Under Hopeless Homemaker 

Comments

5 Responses to “Confessions of a Hopeless Homemaker”

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  1. bananas on April 18th, 2008 2:10 pm

    This is totally my worst nightmare. Actually I am currently trying to detox on blogging, having been spending WAAAAY too much time online. And yet, here I am, online. I need help!!!

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  2. Un-domestic Mama on April 20th, 2008 9:33 am

    Ha! I love it! I call it creative bargaining when I do it though.

    [Reply]

  3. Elaine on January 30th, 2009 3:36 pm

    That is hilarious! I bet he didn’t expect that when he just came home for only a folder! HA!

    Thanks for linking up Jen!

    [Reply]

  4. So Not Mom-a-licious on January 31st, 2009 6:41 pm

    If you and I aren’t related, then we should be! Those 3 options are all I ever have to fall back on too! The poor hubs thinks I spend all day slaving away to keep the house clean. Ha! And he always catched me in mu fibbing! Which leave good ol’ number 3!
    Funny post! Stopped here from Elaine’s Past Post Link.

    [Reply]

  5. debbie on February 1st, 2009 9:47 pm

    Oh, the things we have to resort to in order to hide our addictions! All worth it.

    [Reply]

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