Death to the Tooth Fairy
1. Who started this stupid ritual? Seriously, who in their right minds would come up with this? Wikipedia? Bueller? Anyone???
2. Ok, wikipedia to the rescue. The toothfairy was started by the French and their band of twisted Fairy Tale writing lunatics:
At one time in Europe, there was a tradition to bury baby teeth that fell out.[3] The most commonly accepted belief by academics is the fairy’s development from the tooth mouse, depicted in an 18th century French language fairy tale. In “La Bonne Petite Souris,” a mouse changes into a fairy to help a good Queen defeat an evil King by hiding under his pillow to torment him and knocking out all his teeth.
3. Well now, doesn’t that just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?
4. Oh it gets better. Ever wonder what the toothfairy does with all her billions and trillions of teeth. Upon further reading, I have just discovered that she takes them from under the kids’ pillows so that she can add them to “her mythical and ever expanding all-white tooth castle in the sky”
5. Is anyone else grossed out a little by this? In case you are having trouble with the visual, this is the closest thing I could find. Not a castle, but building anything with teeth is disturbing:
6. Here is what she supposedly looks like, but any chick that lives in a castle full of teeth does NOT look this pretty:
7. Part of my issue with the toothfairy is that she isn’t real (THANK GOODNESS!) and I’m the one who has to do all the dirty work for her.
8. And sometimes I forget. My kids wake up without any money under their pillow. This makes me feel like a bad, bad FAILURE of a mommy. Trust me when I say that I don’t need the added guilt.
9. Then there are the times that I don’t forget. I creep into their rooms, the whole time worrying that they are going to see me and realize that I’m a giant LIAR! (Btw, I harbor the same extreme animosity toward that fatty in the red suit that makes my kids incessantly question how he gets in our house when we don’t have a stinkin’ chimney. It’s magic, now leave me alone.)
10. That leaves us with the whole issue of what to do with the teeth. Call me crazy, but I don’t want to hold on to them. I know they are my children and I should probably cherish them until the day I die, but they still GROSS ME OUT.
11. Yet I feel too guilty to throw them away.
12. So they sit in my top dresser where my kids will one day discover them and realize I’m a LIAR. But since I have no other better place to put them, because really, is there a perfect place for human remains?
13. Who knows I may need them one day to build a castle.
To see more annoying lists, visit Thursday Thirteen.
Oh, and thanks for Jenny for the inspiration for this post. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who’s kids will be needing therapy from the dead beat toothfairy.
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13 Responses to “Death to the Tooth Fairy”
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I am reading this with curiosity because I am nowhere NEAR that stage yet. In fact, Carter’s still GETTING his baby teeth! Matty’s 3.5….so around what age do they start losing their baby teeth and I have to become a bigger liar? (we already do Santa & Easter Bunny)
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Ohhh…. the TF! YUCK.
We don’t do it.
Nope.
A tooth falls out, we hug, smile, congratulate. Talk about how tall she is getting, Build ice cream sundaes for dinner and bestow upon her the gift of a dollar and a pack of sugar free bubble gum.
She’s happier, we’re happier.
It’s all good.
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I’m the WORST with the tooth fairy. We literally once forgot 3 nights in a row. My 2nd grader was like, “MAN, she must be seriously busy this week. There must be lots of kids losing their teeth!”
Uh…yeah. Overworked and underpaid, that tooth fairy.
I also live in fear of the day that my kids open the 2nd drawer of my nightstand and see their teeth rolling around in there. Actually, there are other items in my nightstand that would be worse for them to find… (off to clean out the nightstand)
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Oh, that picture is SO gross!!!! We haven’t dealt with the tooth fairy yet, but it’s coming soon…
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I was always afraid that my kids would wake up and find an arm under their pillow or a big scary roller-head, giant-glasses ’stranger mom’ inches away from their face. . .
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Oh yes, this tooth fairy is prone to periods of forgetfulness also. Sometimes I’ll throw the cash behind their bed and take the tooth when I am making it – then I act all surprised and say, “Oh look!”
And what in the world am I going to do with all those baggies of teeth (some aren’t labeled) in a box in my underwear drawer? It is downright bizarre, I agree.
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Okay, that picture is totally disgusting! Yuck!
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Seriously. I think the only people who live in houses made of human teeth are serial killers.
Or serial killer dentists, which is also disturbing.
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[...] don’t know about you but I’m really not happy about that tooth sculpture photo being the first thing you see when you come to this blog. My five or six loyal readers deserve [...]
That made me giggle. And yes, it is gross and disturbing. The picture you found? Why is that even in existance??
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Oh! My! Heck! This is a stinkin’ awesome post… #6 made me laugh especially hard… # 5 just made me gag!
I was just logging into my account to write a post about how the TF finally came, but she forgot to take the tooth with her… then on my admin page I saw you linked to me, so I clicked over to see what was goin’ down… who knew! I am so impressed by your research, and comforted by our co-guilt. I am heading back to my place to post about the TF’s visit – and I’ll be sure to use you as my most educated TF source
and castle made of teeth… it’s ridiculous!
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[...] tooth on Mommy’s bathroom counter. I guess she didn’t need that tooth to help build “her mythical and ever expanding all-white tooth castle in the sky”. Olivia said, “Hey Mom! Why did they Tooth Fairy leave my tooth [...]
The more you know…lol I really did always wonder what the story was.
I’ve got enough guilt not to deal with keeping the teeth..to the trash they go or half the time said tooth is lost and my oldest writes her a note. I did a post on that on whether its kosher to be BFF’s with the toothfairy. Thanks for the link!
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