Sex and Minivans 101
This post is not about learning to have sex in a minivan.
Ew… that would just be gross. And wrong. How would that even work with all the carseats, goldfish crumbs and other non-sexy related items strewn all over the place?
I don’t know about you but sex in a minivan is not exactly on my list of things I want to do before I die. But maybe there are others out there who have tried and liked it. To those freaks people, I say good for you. Whatever floats your boat!
This post is actually about the School of Sex Education that occurs almost weekly in my minivan.
I’ve gotten the “how does the baby get into the mommy’s belly” and the “how does the baby come out of the mommy’s belly” among a variety of other questions.
For whatever reason, my kids seem to be very curious about things when they are riding in our van. I usually try to answer as briefly as I can and tell them “there’s a scientific explanation for that and I will need a book to explain it in further detail” but they never remember to ask for the book. I have gotten off the hook pretty easily so far.
Note: If they do ask for “the book” I am definitely planning to get one and be completely honest with them. I just have a problem having this kind of talk when I’m operating a moving vehicle. I need to be seated and stationary.
I wasn’t really surprised when I was bombarded by the following conversation yesterday on the way home from school:
My Daughter: Marley and Erin are getting married.
Neighbor Girl: Girls can’t marry other girls.
My daughter: Why?
My son: Because if they did they would go blind.
I nearly wrecked the car at this point. Where on earth did he hear something like that? Is he watching Fox News behind our backs?
Me: No, that isn’t true. Girls will not go blind if they got married.
My son: Then why can’t they get married?
Me: Well, in some states they can get married, just not in Maryland. It isn’t legal here.
My son: So, they would go to jail if they got married?
Me: No, it just wouldn’t be recognized as an actual marriage. I think it would in other states like Hawaii or Connecticut.
My daughter: I’m moving to Connecticut then.
At this point I had the following concerns:
1. Did my daughter just come out?
2. Is gay marriage even legal in Connecticut, but more importantly, why would my daughter want to live in Connecticut instead of Hawaii?
3. Does this mean the Disney World Fairytale Wedding I’ve been planning for her for the past seven years is now off?
Later when we got home, I asked her why she would want to move to Connecticut and she said so that she could marry a girl.
Me: Why would you want to marry a girl? (In my best Seinfeld “not that there’s anything wrong with it” voice so as not to sound overly upset or disappointed.)
Her: I don’t know.
Me: Well, that is your choi…decis…that is fine.
I’m really not sure what to make of this. It could be nothing but I also wouldn’t be surprised if she really did want to marry a girl. There have been other signs.
Actually, there was one just the other day when she brought home her journal from school. It said clear as day:
I Love Gabriela Montez!
Now don’t get me wrong. I think Vanessa Hudgens is a very pretty girl, but come on now! She did see all three of the High School Musical movies so she is fully aware of how cute Troy (Zac Efron) is. I mean, who doesn’t love Troy?
He’s a dreamboat! (I’ve never actually used that word before but I think Zac Efron exudes dreamboatedness. Don’t you?)
I’m a strong believer in the fact that sexuality is what it is. I don’t think it is a choice and I definitely don’t want my kids to feel badly about themselves no matter what orientation they may be.
On the other hand, I still can’t help but worry as a mom. I know we’ve made a lot of progress in the area of gay rights, but obviously not enough. It would still be a difficult lifestyle to live and I’m sure she would have her share of struggles.
Only time will tell. Either way, I plan to be completely supportive.
Even if it means that I will have to give up this dream:
Sniff, sniff.
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14 Responses to “Sex and Minivans 101”
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I think you’ve done a great job of articulating what I’ve wanted to say for some time. I’m not homophobic, I support gay marriage… but if MY sons came out, a part of me would be a little sad…. you know how I’m dying to be the Marie Barone to their Deborah.
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You’ve got some time for her to grow up, and Disney is VERY supportive of “alternative lifestyles.” So you never know, even if she does decide to marry a woman, you may still have a Fairytale wedding. Doesn’t every little girl who wants one deserve one?
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Who says you have to give up the dream? Disney’s been providing domestic partner insurance coverage for a long time (remember when the Baptists got their fur up about it a decade or so ago and tried to boycott?) and will probably allow same sex commitment ceremonies (if not legal weddings) by the time your daughter grows up.
Thanks for sharing a refreshing and supportive perspective. No parent wants their child to have to go through anything as difficult as coming out, but if it does turn out that way, your daughter will be fine knowing that you love and support her no matter what.
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That was a really interesting exchange! I would have felt the same way- but I’m glad it was you because that makes for a funny story!!! Thanks for sharing! I’ll send you some literature on PFLAG.
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My girls Soooo love Zac Efron, not to mention all the other cutie patooties out there, so I guess I don’t have to worry about that. I hope. I am sure she is just going thru a little girl phase/fantasy of being with her best friend forever.
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Well, my sister is in love with Sharpay Evans…at least Gabrielle Montez is actually nice…lol…but maybe it’s just them trying to find femal celebrities/characters that they can copy from? It’s at the stage where erm, things are more open and there are more questions for them to ask…
Yes, Zac does exude dreamboatedness…UGH…even this 24-year-old is not spared. I have been sacrificing my dignity by watching the HSM movies cause of him..it’s just not funny…
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Personally I much prefer Gabriella to Troy. I don’t get Zefron mania at all.
I could care less if my kids are gay, but unfortunately Brad says he does. I hope that if it really does happen he’ll be supportive.
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This is such a thoughtful post, where you manage to deal with a big issue with heart and humor. I don’t know if it will ever truly be easy. Even if it becomes more accepted, I don’t know that it will ever be…easy. And I think there will always be somewhat of a grieving process for parents. I think that’s natural.
And I really don’t have more to say than that.
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I think you handled the exchange with your daughter beautifully. I don’t think you need to elaborate on anything or go any further than that until she decides to broach the subject again.
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Can’t two princesses get married at Disney?
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I agree with a lot that was said already. Your daughter is only 7 years old, so I think you have a ways to go until you really get an idea of what sex she prefers. I definitely had no clue what boys were like at her age, it wasn’t until I was about 9 years old did I start to recognize the boys in my class. And then I remember when I got into the 6th grade is when I started to notice other girls in my class and envy their hair, clothes and other materialistic things. That was awhile ago though, and the way society is now I’m sure kids realize things a lot earlier now. Sad, but probably true.
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I think you have a very sweet girl who is just looking out for her fellow females…holla! when I was her age I totally idolized other young girls and wanted to be them so she is probably doing the same with that Gabriella chick.
Plus I am sure when the time comes she can get married at Disney land to a boy or to a girl!
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I had a disney wedding and it was da bomb. If that’s your dream…it can happen for anyone. Disney’s an accepting company.
Thanks for sharing that interesting conversation!
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i think gabrella or what the fuck her name is she is ssssoooooo ugly if zac efron likes him or her he is stupid
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