Spam is Funny
One of my favorite things about having a blog is reading the comments people leave me. I read each comment that comes in and look forward to seeing what you have to say about my posts. Luckily, I’ve only gotten one really negative comment and it was from someone who was defending Fergie and misspelled the word “the”. I’m not kidding. How do you misspell that word?
When I go into my dashboard and see that I have a bunch of new comments, I get so excited. Then I click the comments page and realize that most of them are just a bunch of spam. No, I do not want to enlarge my penis or need any stock tips.
I have tried but haven’t been able to figure out how to get my spam blocker program to work. I swear Wordpress hates me. Or is evil. I can’t decide.
Anyway, I have to go through each and every comment because I wouldn’t want to delete it just because I saw some naughty words. You never know. It could be Ryan Gosling sending me a really juicy love note, or better yet, an invitation to his wedding (It could happen).
Most of the time I can tell that it isn’t Ryan because the name of the commenter is some gibberish like otiflz or a pqfpwu or bzwaolbqpmql. Why do spammers have such odd names?
One day when I was feeling extra lonely for new comments, I decided to actually read over one of the spam emails just to see what they were trying to sell me. I’m so glad I did this because I came across one that was actually quite humorous.
The spammer was kind enough to send me a list of Top Internet Searches for P0rn (I am spelling it with a #0 instead of a “o” because I don’t want any perverts unwanted visitors coming to my blog for p0rn.)
Just in case you were wondering, here are some of the really odd things people search for:
p0rn with Puff the Magic Dragon (This is just wrong on so many levels. What’s next? Barney?)
New Zealand p0rn (Wow! This is so geographically specific. Why not New Mexico?)
dvd p0rn sale ( This person must be on a budget.)
peach p0rn galleries (What’s wrong with the apple or the pear? )
Bette Midler p0rn (Did you know she made those kind of movies? )
Disney fake p0rn ( I prefer the real stuff myself. )
Wonder Woman cartoon p0rn ( Enough with the cartoons. )
pregnant maid p0rn ( Why does the maid have to be pregnant? I just don’t understand this. )
natural hairy women p0rn ( Can you be unnaturally hairy? )
panda free p0rn ( Yes, I prefer my p0r n without pandas too. )
p0rn notebook ( Now we’re talking. )
secret indian p0rn ( That sounds intriguing. )
Keira Nightly p0rn ( I think you need to spell her name right first. )
band geek p0rn ( Why? )
Croc Hunter p0rn ( Let the poor guy rest in peace. )
would women date a p0rn star ( My answer–No!!! )
world’s longest nipples p0rn ( I’m not making this stuff up. I wish I was but I’m not.)
free colin farrell p0rn download (Here’s one for you, Meg.)
free minute p0rn movies (I guess this person was in a hurry.)
mailing p0rn to Texas ( Does he have a p0rn penpal there? )
There were many more on the list. It was long (and very disgusting for the most part). Two things I learned from this post:
1. We live amongst freaks, I tell you. Freaks.
2. Spam is funny if you take the time to really read it.
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13 Responses to “Spam is Funny”
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Well, at least there is one type of Spam that can make us laugh . . . cause that stuff in the can is completely unfunny.
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Spam is the worst. I get so much in my e-mail, it’s unreal. About 80 per cent is spam. I know, I need to get a new e-mail program and a new address, but I’ve been too lazy. Penis enlargement is the biggest culprit, I get about 5 of those per day, lol.
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lmao – I never thought I’d laugh so hard about so disgusting a subject… My spam is not nearly so interesting. And now I’m sad about that.
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LOL!! Some of these titles are so funny! But they can be vile too…especially when they clog up your message board..and it’s sick to know what KIND of porn is available out there…means that there’s a market for them, right? Ewww
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Re: the Puff the Magic Dragon / Barney / Disney thing, there’s a huge online community for bizarre adult fan fiction, and I’m sure there’s some Barney stuff out there. Animation stuff is huge, and stuff like Harry Potter getting it on with Draco Malfoy is a big recurring theme. One of my favorite pop culture sites, Topless Robot, publishes bizarre fan fic every Friday. My recent “favorite” was from the latest Indy movie, and has to be read to be believed…
http://www.toplessrobot.com/2008/06/fan_fiction_friday_indy_and_mutt_in_indiana_jones.php
The Internet is just loads of fun.
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There was an article in our paper yesterday about people who would feel more comfortable as a particular animal and prefer to ‘mate’ pretending to be this animal (ex: the man who legally changed his name to Simba Lyons…wants to be a lion…and his wife encourages him so he walks around the house growling and grunting) I couldn’t get over the fact that there was a meeting of ‘furries’ (which is what they call themselves) in Pittsburg this summer with 3,400 attendees….STRANGE. Oh, and they enjoy ‘mating’ with stuffed animals too….talk about FREAKS!
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Ok, clearly I am so out of the freak loop. WTF?!! I had no idea any of this existed. Well, at least not in an organized club kind of way. I figured there were the couple of weirdos who had their own little fetishes, but I didn’t know there were conventions and sites for this. So strange, but whatever floats your boat.
[Reply]
All this time I have been deleting my spam not knowing I was idly removing email treasures such as this.
You know those perverts are cleverer than you’d imagine I get people coming to my blog having googled big b oobs (the space is intentional), they know us lady bloggers are trying to get one over on them and they’re trying to catch us out so try different variations of words we may have used to avoid their attention.
Perverts are cleverer than I thought.
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I’m going to Texas this week. Why didn’t I think of that?! I could have mailed my p0rn ahead of time.
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I was getting some with really funny comments for a while now. The one that really cracked me up said something like, “somewhere right now a big fat hairy man is jumping up and down in the shower. Are you sure you still want to be omniscient?”
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You crack me up. And what is wrong with being unnaturally hairy?? Huh??
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Hee hee hee. Freaks and pervs for sure. My husband set up the spam-blocker in Wordpress for me so all of these gems just pass me by. Apparently I am missing out!!
I love getting comments too. It makes my day!!
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OMG! I’m about to cry I am laughing so hard. You are right about living amongst freaks….eeewww!
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