Crouching Tiger Hidden Gosling
I’m not a violent person by nature. Really, I’m not. But when someone wrongs my man, I become very protective. I turn into a female tiger and want to rip the person’s eyes out with my razor sharp claws.
The man in question is not my husband. It is my pretend celebrity boyfriend, Ryan Gosling.
I read a celebrity gossip story this weekend involving Ryan that has me completely fired up and ready to pounce.
Before I tell you the story, I want to give you this little quiz just to make sure that I’m not jumping to any unnecessary conclusions.
Let’s say you were out at a club and Ryan Gosling tried to hit on you? Would you:
a. Faint
b. Play it cool (while fainting on the inside).
c. Be extremely flattered and ask if you can have his babies.
d. Skip the small talk altogether and say “my place or yours”
e. Make babies right there on the spot because he is Ryan Gosling
All of these answers are acceptable. Did you notice how none of the possible choices included going back to your boyfriend and saying something like “Who does he think he is? I’m with you. I would never…” ?
I left that answer off the list because that is just plain INSANITY!!!
Anyone who would even consider this action must be a witch and should probably be burned at the stake if they did something like that. Or at the very least, she needs to have her head examined by a doctor because no woman in her right mind would ever react like that.
Well, lo and behold, there is one crazy witch out there who would.
That’s Lauren Conrad and her boyfriend, Kyle (who the hell is he) Howard.
Apparently, LC says Ryan “tried to hit on her” and she went running to her boyfriend who then proceeded to say that if he was there when it happened that he would have “set him straight“.
What?!!??!?!? Is that a threat? He did NOT just threaten my man.
It gets worse. Kyle and his buddies started getting all fired up and saying, “Let’s go find Ryan Gosling. Let’s beat him up.”
Am I the only one feeling like this right now?
Oh, Lauren (or is it still LC– Loser Conrad) and Kyle, you don’t know who you are messing with. It is so ON!!!! I’m not exactly sure what I mean when I say it is on, but just know that it (whatever it is) is definitely on. Let’s just hope our paths do not cross.
These two are officially DEAD to me!!
(***To anyone of authority reading this, I am not planning to do any harm to Lauren Conrad or her loser boyfriend. I promise not to really burn her at the stake or rip her eyes out. “Dead to me” is just a figure of speech and it just means that I will be boycotting any and all of her pathetic d-list projects from here on out.***)
***Note: I never did watch The Hills anyway, but I was a faithful viewer of the original Laguna Beach. I have to say that I was never a fan of LC anyway. I tended to be more on Team Kristen and will fully be supporting Kristin Cavallari when she takes over Lauren’s “role” on The Hills. ***
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12 Responses to “Crouching Tiger Hidden Gosling”
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Losers is right, first of all Ryan is a REAL actor not a Reality Actor……!
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I will totally follow you in boycotting LC, but Kyle Howard is kinda cute. He was on that show about the woman who has all the guy friends. Nothing big to speak of, but perhaps he got all fired up because he knew that Ryan COULD have anyone he wants……….
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Totally in your camp on this one……… what a couple of losers!
Susan in the Psych Ward’s last blog post..Random Things Going On In My Head
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She’s an idiot!!
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I didn’t actually know who either of them were – I mean I’ve heard her name but I didn’t know what she was from – so I’m all about boycotting them with you.
Solidarity!
Jen E @ mommablogsalot’s last blog post..Monthly Menu Plan: July
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You know, I never really liked LC either. Now, I really can’t stand her. Who does she think she is? Truth be told, Ryan probably just said hello and she twisted it all around and turned it into a bunch of drama like she always does! What a weirdo!
Hailey’s last blog post..Not Me! Monday
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Maybe I am just a loser soccer mom who is all too excited by flattery, but when I was recently “hit on” (well, drinks were purchased, talks of dinner followed) by a known entity recently, I jumped over the moon. My husband was flattered by it, as any NORMAL spouse would be.
Anyway, this LC person likes to get her self in the media whenever she can. So…it’ll be easy to boycott.
Nice One’s last blog post..Pictures from the Lake…
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I love that he and his buddies were gonna go beat him up.
That shows how intelligent they are.
Fear Ryan don’t be scraping the barrel with such vacuous bimbos. You’re better than that.
Carol’s last blog post..Giving a Bit of Credit Where it’s Long Overdue
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That should say Dear Ryan…….the pregnancy has apparently killed my spelling ability now too.
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She’s just another media whore like Heidi and Spencer who want to be famous for doing absolutely nothing of any importance. If that show had never happened, she wouldn’t even be anywhere on Ryan’s radar. She should feel lucky.
I think you need to console Ryan in his time of need.
Sarah’s last blog post..Nothing Interesting
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Im totally with u Jen, again.
I was so mad when I read this… I mean who she think she is!!!???? just a lucky cow who got into his pat… I just hate her, I have to admit that I used to think that she was kinda cute I didnt watch the hills or anything, but when I saw her I saw a cute girl… not anymore.
so Im totally with u on this…
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HA! Sheeee wishes! Anyone who “would never…” with Ryan Gosling? Not human. Not redblooded, not female, not sane… just NOT.
I am going to consider my approach and rehearse my answers while trying to control my breathing in the unlikely event that his royal hotness ever wants to hit on a middle aged, married mother of two. At least I can speak intelligently, have a great sense of humor AND my husband already knows about my healthy obsession with Mr. Gosling.
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