Is It So Much To Ask For?
Earlier today, in a PMS-filled, agitated state, I tweeted:
(Oh, and I realize that it says “so how me God”. Clearly, I need to hire a proofreader for my ridiculous rants.)
To give you an idea of my state of mind, here is another tweet from today:
I was in quite the mood, so I cleaned the house. Well, it is Monday and I’ve been trying to clean every Monday, but let me tell you my mood made me that much more efficient. For some reason, I clean better when I’m angry. It is a strange phenomenon.
When my husband arrived home , the house looked great and I had a delicious home-cooked meal something edible thrown together for dinner simmering on the stove.
He walked in the door and I eagerly awaited his reaction.
I waited.
He played on Facebook.
Then I waited a little bit longer.
We ate dinner.
I continued to wait.
When it reached a point where I could no longer take it any longer, I exploded:
Me: Did you notice the house?
Him: (Looking around sheepishly, realizing at once that he is in trouble) Oh, yeah. It looks nice.
Me: …… (Fuming)
Him: Actually, I did notice. I just forgot to say something.
Me: Why would you notice but forget to say something? That makes no sense.
Him: …… (Probably realizing that this really was not the best thing to say.)
Me: Seriously, it makes no sense. Why can’t you just appreciate what I do around here? Is it so much to ask for?
I can’t even begin to tell you how many times we’ve had this conversation. You would think that after 13 years of marriage, he would be able to just figure out that I need constant feedback, praise and attention to function in this relationship.
Now before someone goes and leaves a comment that says something like, “Do you thank him every day for going out to work each day and providing for your family?” or some other nonsense like that, I will just tell you that isn’t the point.
(Also, you should be permanently kicked out of Girl Club for even thinking something so absurd. Turn you membership card at the door and just get out.)
Here’s the deal. I work too. For one, I take care of our children. I make sure they are fed, bathed, homework done, not eaten by crocodiles, etc… You know, the normal mommy duties. This is my full time job. On top of that I also have a couple part-time jobs that provide some extra income for our family. It isn’t much but it is something. I may not make as much as he does, but I do contribute. When I book a trip or get my check from school, I never expect or even care if he acknowledges my efforts.
However, when I get on my hands and knees to scrub his pee off the side of the toilet and pick his underwear up off the floor for the 3,742nd time, I feel like an acceptable response from him would be “Hey Jen, the house looks great. Thanks for all you do. I’m so lucky to be married to you. Now why don’t you sit down over here and let me rub your feet.”
I feel like that is the least he could do.
Or maybe I just need to let this dream go to the place where dreams go to die.
Readers, please give me some input. Leave me a comment telling me either:
A. You are not alone. My husband is the same way. Let’s go drown our sorrows in a bottle of wine.
B. I am a witch and I have a secret spell to get your husband to do whatever you want him to do with minimal side effects. Here is the potion: (insert magical ingredients here)
C. Don’t despair…I am Ryan Gosling and I will come and clean your house for you (wearing only a snug fitting pair of jeans) while you watch. Here is my phone number. Call me anytime and I will be on the next plane out there.
D. Any other words of wisdom you have to offer on this matter.
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17 Responses to “Is It So Much To Ask For?”
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Oh sweet poor Jen. He is unfortunately just a dumb guy. My husband always pulls that “I noticed but didn’t say anything crap”! We can commiserate, k?
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B. sex. lots of sex
LOL
Amy´s last blog ..Asheville Weekend
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Most wives have this problem. my husband is pretty good about saying “hey, the house looks good” BUT he’s also really good about pointing out one little hotspot or untidy area and making it seem HUGE, so yeah… he sort of cancels himself out with that one. Maybe you should just start booking regular massages for yourself.
misty´s last blog ..Pretty in Pink…
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Geez! I could do a whole blog post as a response! MY beef is why can’t our husbands have a little common effing courtesy and pick up after their damn selves??? That’s what makes me insane! And then our kids feel like they can treat us the same way????? UGH! It’s a vicious cycle! Oh, and then when I don’t feel good or am just too damn tired, it’s what’s for dinner, why isn’t my favorite shirt clean, blah, blah, blah………. Sometimes I think he’s lucky just to have me…. and others it’s why didn’t his MOTHER raise him better?
Oh, and if C were to happen, ask him to send a friend my way…. I’m really not that picky!
Susan in the Psych Ward´s last blog ..Swine’s Hit The Psych Ward…. We Think
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A. A. and A. Bring on the wine! I must have PMS too ‘cuz this post rang true!
Katie´s last blog ..Easy does it
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Oy…its like I just wrote this post! My husband is the same way! Drives me insane. And that “oh I noticed but didnt say anything”…UGHHHH my husband does that when i get dressed up all fancy and actually do my hair…i stand there waiting for his breath to be taken away and for the compliemts to flow…nothing, ever, nothing!! This is when I could get out my gun. Makes me sooo beyond mad. His answer once was “i notice i just dont say it”. Gun. wheres my gun?!!
If you find a witch with a magic spell…please dear God tell me the magical ingredients too!!
Becks´s last blog ..a little bit about sophia at 23 months
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A, A, A, and um…A. I think men are genetically program to just ignore most things.
Julia´s last blog ..Sundays in My City
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This has been a real point of contention for me lately. In a different way. Brad does compliment me on the house, but the way he says it it comes across like “it’s about time you did your womanly duty and got this house in shape like you women are supposed to. What a good little house slave I got for myself!” If I ask him to help because I’m overwhelmed, he’ll make the bed, then sit down on the computer and expect thanks in the way of sexual favors for doing such a monumental task on my behalf. Because, you know, I’m the woman, and such things are MY job. Except I’m also taking out the trash and getting the oil changed and things like that, which we agreed long ago would be HIS job. And I don’t want any sexual favors, thank you very much.
Memarie Lane´s last blog ..Goodbye
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Your issue is ther eason the TV show Wife Swap was invented and is still on network television. You’re not alone. The problem with men lies in JuJu Chang’s Quickfix.
http://blogs.abcnews.com/quickfix/2009/09/quick-fix-juju-juggles-boys-and-chores.html
Boys aren’t taught to do equal chores, and thus as grown men they don’t do them either. One of the wisest things my Ex’s mother ever said to me was, “We raise our boys treating them like princes and then expect them to leave the house as men. But instead they leave the house looking for another Mother to pick up after them.” And it makes me wonder how far removed from the 50s and 60s we are where it was commonplace for a man to marry a wife not only for love, but also for how well she would keep his house? Not terribly. Those people were our grandparents after all. So it is just going to take some more time before we can solve this dilemma. And the best thing you can do is to teach your boys (if you have them) to do equal chores that you do. And teach your girls (if you have them) not to raise their boys in the lap of luxury either. Well, I can Hope that will cure the problem anyways.
In the meantime, this issue is one of the many reasons why I am happy to stay single. I HATE cleaning house!!!! And I refuse to clean up after someone else who is able bodied to clean up after themselves.
Maggie´s last blog ..Efah’s first Adopt-a-Pet event
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Um, yeah, we housewives have a thankless job, right? I totally agree that husbands need to recognize efforts more. After all when you’re in an office you have performance reviews, pay checks, bonuses and day-to-day feedback. Since we don’t get paid I think we should at least get a compliment every now and then.
Lisa´s last blog ..The Modern YA Writer’s Handbook Vol. 2
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I can’t really comment right now since mine is doing a lot since I am hugely pregnant. But normally, I could probably write this post too (well, something close to it anyway…) I think it’s pretty universal. Dammit.
Elaine´s last blog ..Do They Teach "Heart-String Pulling" in School?
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You are not alone. My husband is the same way. Let’s go drown our sorrows in a bottle of wine.
Thanks for the update. I kept checking Twitter to make sure you didn’t need to be bailed out of jail after killing him (I had my checkbook ready).
I had a similar PMS-induced “dumb guy” conversation with my husband today about his need to bring me home a brownie from the bake sale he was stuffing his face at when I called him at school. Hm, you just told me you ate a fantastic brownie, I’m a girl, I love chocolate, and I’m PMSing. Am I serious that I want you to buy me one? You better not come home without it!!!
Cheryl´s last blog ..Why so cold?
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A.
I had to stop myself from throwing a plate at my husband last week when I came home after a long day where I worked at TWO jobs AND took the kids to karate while he sat home ALONE to find my house a complete and total DISASTER.
Pfft. Men.
Jenni Jiggety´s last blog ..On Being Healthy
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My husband would LOVE if I cleaned the house and if there was something for him to eat when he got home. And he’d know by God, and he’d comment too, because it rarely happens!
MaNiC MoMMy´s last blog ..BLoG MuCH?
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I will bring the wine. My husband’s the same way. He thinks little fairies come into the house and magically do EVERYTHING so he doesn’t have to!
Sarah´s last blog ..Boring Day
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Hello, I hope I’m welcome here. I just want to express my guilt on this. We men are guilty for taking our wives for granted. I just don’t understand why can’t I appreciate all the effort my wife does for me. If she cleans the house and cook something I good I can’t really see it. I can appreciate it more when she leaves me alone.
Upon reflection, I tried my best to be aware of my shortcomings. Despite the fact that I loved her, I’m not as expressive. Or perhaps my approach is different from what she expects. In an effort to gain understanding I talked to her. I opened my mind and absorbed all my mistakes. Now I’m doing my best to be a better person for her.
Despite my work, I do all the cooking and the grocery in the household. But despite my effort, I really cannot love house cleaning.
Walter´s last blog ..Why are we having problems with problem?
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Um, yeah, we housewives have a thankless job, right? I totally agree that husbands need to recognize efforts more. After all when you’re in an office you have performance reviews, pay checks, bonuses and day-to-day feedback. Since we don’t get paid I think we should at least get a compliment every now and then.
Lisa´s last blog ..<a href=”http://lisa-laura.blogspot.com/2009/09/modern-ya-writers-handbook-vol-2.html” rel=”nofollow”>The Modern YA Writer’s Handbook Vol. 2</a>
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