Is It So Much To Ask For?
Earlier today, in a PMS-filled, agitated state, I tweeted:
(Oh, and I realize that it says “so how me God”. Clearly, I need to hire a proofreader for my ridiculous rants.)
To give you an idea of my state of mind, here is another tweet from today:
I was in quite the mood, so I cleaned the house. Well, it is Monday and I’ve been trying to clean every Monday, but let me tell you my mood made me that much more efficient. For some reason, I clean better when I’m angry. It is a strange phenomenon.
When my husband arrived home , the house looked great and I had a delicious home-cooked meal something edible thrown together for dinner simmering on the stove.
He walked in the door and I eagerly awaited his reaction.
I waited.
He played on Facebook.
Then I waited a little bit longer.
We ate dinner.
I continued to wait.
When it reached a point where I could no longer take it any longer, I exploded:
Me: Did you notice the house?
Him: (Looking around sheepishly, realizing at once that he is in trouble) Oh, yeah. It looks nice.
Me: …… (Fuming)
Him: Actually, I did notice. I just forgot to say something.
Me: Why would you notice but forget to say something? That makes no sense.
Him: …… (Probably realizing that this really was not the best thing to say.)
Me: Seriously, it makes no sense. Why can’t you just appreciate what I do around here? Is it so much to ask for?
I can’t even begin to tell you how many times we’ve had this conversation. You would think that after 13 years of marriage, he would be able to just figure out that I need constant feedback, praise and attention to function in this relationship.
Now before someone goes and leaves a comment that says something like, “Do you thank him every day for going out to work each day and providing for your family?” or some other nonsense like that, I will just tell you that isn’t the point.
(Also, you should be permanently kicked out of Girl Club for even thinking something so absurd. Turn you membership card at the door and just get out.)
Here’s the deal. I work too. For one, I take care of our children. I make sure they are fed, bathed, homework done, not eaten by crocodiles, etc… You know, the normal mommy duties. This is my full time job. On top of that I also have a couple part-time jobs that provide some extra income for our family. It isn’t much but it is something. I may not make as much as he does, but I do contribute. When I book a trip or get my check from school, I never expect or even care if he acknowledges my efforts.
However, when I get on my hands and knees to scrub his pee off the side of the toilet and pick his underwear up off the floor for the 3,742nd time, I feel like an acceptable response from him would be “Hey Jen, the house looks great. Thanks for all you do. I’m so lucky to be married to you. Now why don’t you sit down over here and let me rub your feet.”
I feel like that is the least he could do.
Or maybe I just need to let this dream go to the place where dreams go to die.
Readers, please give me some input. Leave me a comment telling me either:
A. You are not alone. My husband is the same way. Let’s go drown our sorrows in a bottle of wine.
B. I am a witch and I have a secret spell to get your husband to do whatever you want him to do with minimal side effects. Here is the potion: (insert magical ingredients here)
C. Don’t despair…I am Ryan Gosling and I will come and clean your house for you (wearing only a snug fitting pair of jeans) while you watch. Here is my phone number. Call me anytime and I will be on the next plane out there.
D. Any other words of wisdom you have to offer on this matter.
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Vroom Your Room
If you asked me what I’d like to be doing at any given moment, you might hear me say sitting on a beach in Maui reading the Twilight series over again, dancing under the stars on a rooftop in NYC with Ryan Gosling, or waking up with my family in the dream suite of Cinderella’s castle in the Magic Kingdom.
I can assure you that the one answer you will never hear would be, “I sure would like to be cleaning my house right now.”
I know there are plenty of people out there who find joy in keeping their houses clean and tidy, but I am not one of those people. Don’t get me wrong. I like the end result of clean and tidy, but I just don’t like the actual cleaning it part.
It isn’t that I like to live in total chaos, but finding the motivation to keep things company ready at all times is just something I’ve never been able to do.
I’m always on the lookout for products or solutions to simplify the whole cleaning up process, so when I was asked to review the Vroom Solo I was really excited.
About the Vroom…
This small, but powerful, vacuum can clean up a mess in less time than it takes to find a broom or go get the cleaning supplies. Vroom installs in kitchen and bathroom cabinets or under the counter in workrooms so you won’t ever have to go looking for it. Vroom is always there, always convenient and an auto on/off means it’s ready when you need it. And with up to 24 ft. of retractable hose, Vroom goes a long way towards making your life easier!
Vroom’s versatility makes it ideal for quick clean-ups on counters, floors, in drawers and aroundappliances. It can handle every surface of your home, from floor to ceiling. Pet hair, cereal,broken glass–no dry mess is a match for Vroom’s speed and convenience.
My Review
After having it and using it for a few months, here are a few of the pros and cons I’ve noticed about the system…
Pros:
-I love not having to pull out and put away my vacuum every time I need to clean up a couple of crumbs (which when you have pets and kids is like every other minute). It is amazing how avoiding that one extra step makes all the difference in the world. By the time I would have lugged out the Dyson, unwrapped the cord, and plugged it in, I could have already had the mess cleaned up with the Vroom.
-It is so simple that even my 7 and 9-year old have been using it to clean up their messes. I let them eat their breakfast in the living room (bad mom, I know) so along with that comes crumbs. Now that we have the Vroom, they are in charge of cleaning up their own mess.
-It has an extremely powerful suction to it. It is way more powerful than my Dyson Animal if that gives you any idea. I was blown away by how quickly and effectively it gets the job done.
-The hose is super long (24 feet) and will reach most of my first floor (this is because I live in a teeny, tiny house). From hair in the first floor bathroom to cat food in the kitchen, it has been a big help to me.
-It is compact so it will easily fit under a kitchen or bathroom sink. We chose to put ours in the living room so it would be in a more central spot and reach more space, but it really is small enough to hide away.
-It comes with an adjustable wand tool so you don’t have to do a lot of bending or straining when using it to clean your floor.
Cons:
-The installation was a little more complex than I was expecting. You need to wire things if you don’t have an outlet readily available under your sink (or wherever you choose to place it). They do have a link on the site for finding a dealer to have it professionally installed, but I’m thinking that would probably be an additional cost. We were able to do it ourselves, but my husband is pretty handy.
-It takes bags. I’ve always had bagless vacuums so this is a new inconvenience and cost for me. I will say that I have just been emptying the bag (which I’m quite sure isn’t recommended by the manufacturer) so I haven’t had to replace one yet. The bottom line is that although this is a con, I do think that it is a minor one and it may be just a personal pet peeve for me.
Final Thoughts:
I do want to end on a positive note and say that I have really come to love my Vroom! I will go as far as to say that I don’t ever want to go back to life without it. While I will never, EVER love to clean my house, the Vroom helps me to keep on top of the mess a whole lot better than I had been prior to receiving it.
To learn more about the Vroom and see it in action, click here.
Organized Home Giveaway
When I first started blogging, I would often write about my quest to have a more organized home. I would take before and after photos and document my progress.
It was riveting, I know. I’m sure my new readers are kicking themselves for missing out on all that excitement. (Hopefully you are picking up on the sarcastic tone.)
Soon I became bored of these types of posts (as they usually didn’t include photos of Ryan Gosling) and haven’t really been doing very well with my quest.
You know how some people have OCD and everything has to be in its place at all times. Well, I have the opposite of that. The problem is that I can live with clutter and it doesn’t bother me. At least I don’t think that it is bothering me, but then when I take the time to clean and organize it makes me feel so wonderful that I realize how much the clutter was weighing down on me. I’m not sure if there is a clever acronym for this disease but I know that I have it.
I was recently contacted by Julie Verleger from Organized Home, Inc about doing a review for her virtual organizing services. This was just the push I needed to get back into the swing of things and start tackling some problem areas in my home.
She asked me to send a list of my trouble spots. The list was long but we narrowed it down to two small areas. Then I sent her the photos:
I was afraid that Julie would run from her computer screaming at the disaster that was my pantry, but she emailed me back right away and didn’t call me a disgusting slob. I knew right away we would get along nicely.
The second area that we agreed to attack was underneath the tv in the basement. This is where my son (the video game junkie) keeps all his gear.
This area wasn’t nearly as bad as the pantry but I have been thinking that I need to something about it for awhile now.
Julie set up a time that was convenient for both of us and gave me a call so we could discuss the problem areas and begin to troubleshoot ways to tackle them. She had so many great ideas and suggestions for me. I told her that my budget was very small and she helped me to find solutions that would stay within it.
Would you like to see the amazing transformation? I know you do.
The New and Improved Pantry:
Here is a close-up of the floor, which was the biggest disaster area. I bought a new grocery bag holder and a new onion potato stacker and that really helped.
As for the snack shelf, Julie suggested that I buy large basket for snack type items and this has been extremely helpful. When I’m packing lunches, I just pull out the basket and take out what I need for lunch and then put it back. It is such a time saver. Since packing lunches is one of my dreaded chores, I am always looking for ways to make it less torturous (note: I have no idea why I despise packing lunches but I look forward to the day when I can tell my kids that they have to do it for themselves. Is 9 too young for this?)
Here is the Clutter Free Entertainment Cabinet:
So where did all the wires and video game miscellaneous go? I bought these two stacking baskets:
Would you like to try out Julie’s virtual organizing services? Here is what it entails:
NEW Virtual and phone coaching. Need to be organized in you home, office and life? Are you busy with kids, work and all things that come with it? Don’t have a large chunk of time to have an organizer come to your home? Receive one on one help that you can fit into your schedule. Consulting via email, video and phone. Julie will provide a customized plan and guidance to create efficiency and beauty in any of your spaces.
Gotta mess? Gotta Story to go with it?
Julie is giving a personal organizing package to one lucky reader. All you have to do is leave a comment telling us about your clutter disaster. Choose one space in your house that you would like to organize and tell us about it. If you are chosen as a finalist, we will ask you to send us photos of the space and then one lucky winner will receive the personal organizing package from Julie of Organized Home inc.
Good Luck!!
Before and After
There are a few things I’ve been meaning to show you and I thought Boomama’s Before and After carnival would be just the place to do it.
Over the summer, I wrote a post about unfinished projects. In it I mentioned that I tend to get a bit sidetracked and end up not completing much of anything I start. It is a disease, I tell you. I call it project ADD.
Believe it or not, against all odds, I was able to finish two of the three projects that I mentioned in that post.
Would you believe the only one still left undone is the bathroom?! No, I still haven’t found a shower curtain. Yes, I’m clinically insane. (In my defense, I had a folder with all the potential shower curtains saved on my computer but the darn thing up and crashed on me so I have to start all over again in my search.) You would think that it was THE HOLY FREAKIN GRAIL that I was looking for instead of a stupid shower curtain.
Alright, enough about that. One day, the bathroom will be done. One day you will never again see the word shower curtain on this blog. One day…
In the meantime, I did manage to get a few other projects completed.
You may remember the scathing letter I fired off to SureFit. If not, let me remind you of the way my furniture used to look.
First there was the very sad sofa:
And who could forget the most pathetic looking you’ve ever seen:
I finally convinced my husband that the time had come to say goodbye to these “beautiful” pieces and move on to something new. He fought me on it. He tried to justify how it was “perfectly good furniture” because you could still sit on it. It was “functional”, he tried to tell me.
I agree. The furniture functioned very well at ruining my mood every damn day!!
Luckily, I found a great deal and went ahead and bought a set. He was fine with it. I think he was just relieved not to have to go to anymore furniture stores. Here is the new furniture:
I know that light beige isn’t the most kid friendly color. I probably made a mistake with that, but as you can see I needed something that was going to hide my cat’s light hair since he has taken up permanent residence on it.
I know that there really wasn’t much work or thought behind this before and after. We simply walked into the store and picked it out and paid for it. The next shots are full of blood, sweat and tears.
We finally finished Backyard Landscape ‘08. We did it all ourselves. My husband would say that he did most, but I really did help with a lot of it.
We have a tiny yard with a giant tree. The tree is great for shade, but it is not helpful when trying to grow grass. We have tried everything from seed to sod and no matter what we do this is the way our yard has always looked:
We finally just decided to give up and go the route of no grass. After lots of planning and with some help from our local nursery (they told us what plants would work in our yard), this is the finished product:
I like to call it my Zen Garden. It is so peaceful back there. I just love it! (Of course when that massive tree drops all of its leaves, I’m sure I won’t be feeling as zen-like, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
I actually probably should have taken a video because it is not showing up as nice on the pictures. Plus the sound of the water adds to the effect. I especially love it at night because of the lights my husband put in. We’ve been enjoying sitting out together and chatting after we put the kids to sleep. We still want to add a few more plants and stepping stones/ garden statues, but overall we are so pleased with how it turned out.
To see more before and after projects, head on over to Boomama’s blog.
Project ADD and a Contest
Edited to add: This contest is now closed to new entries. Thanks to everyone for your suggestions.
Do you remember the bathroom redo project that I blogged about a few weeks ago. Well, I didn’t get too far with it.
I searched high and low (that means the big 3–Target, Linens n Things, and Bed, Bath and Beyond plus some other random stores) for a shower curtain and just couldn’t find anything that I loved. I know that I shouldn’t be this picky but I just wanted to see something that I instantly knew that I couldn’t live another day until it was hanging in my bathroom.
My husband says I’m crazy when it comes to stuff like this. “It’s just a shower curtain,” he says. But really, is it? I mean we have to look at it numerous times a day. That is our main bathroom. Shouldn’t it be something that brightens our mood a little every time we see it or is this an unrealistic expectation for a shower curtain?
I’ve found a few that I know I don’t want:
While cute, I really don’t want a panda looking at me when I pee. The same goes for penguins, polar bears and sea creatures.
Here’s where the contest comes in. I’m looking for a personal shopper to hunt the internet for a shower curtain that you think will be “the one”. I know this isn’t the standard easy “just leave a comment” giveaway, but I am desperate here. My kids are so sick of looking at shower curtains and I’m sick of them too.
If I end up choosing your pick, you will get a $10 Starbuck’s Gift Card. Contest open until Thursday, July 31st at 4pm EST.
Edited to add: If there are duplicate links I will pick the person who left the comment first.
You do not have to be a blogger to enter this contest but you do need to leave me a comment with a link if you want to enter.
Just to give you an idea of what you are working with, here is a picture of the current bathroom: (I’m totally over the purple and green and floral look):
I was originally trying to find something beachy and maybe in the blue/brown family, but at this point I’m open to anything. I’m willing to paint the wall above the wainscoting.
Please don’t send me anything with shells or dolphins or lighthouses. I’m looking for understated beachy, and not something that screams, “Look at me. I love the beach.”
Moving right along…so I have this problem. I get easily sidetracked when it comes to home problems. A perfect example is the bathroom. I was totally gung-ho about it until one day I wasn’t. Then I decided that it was time to buy new living room furniture.
I mean, do I really need to remind you of the sad state of affairs in this room? For those that missed that post, let me introduce you to the most pathetic chair in the history of chairs:
The furniture is 11 years old and as you can see trying to make it new again by putting a slipcover on it just ended up being more of a disaster.
I optimistically trudged (Is it actually possible to trudge optimistically?) off to the stores to look for some new living room furniture. It only had to meet a few qualifications. It had to be durable (for the monkeys children that would be climbing all over it), hide stains (again, because of the monkeys children) and brighten our day when we see it (I’m big on my household items brightening our day if you haven’t noticed).
Most importantly, it could not cost a small fortune.
Well, let me just tell you that there are no sofas in the whole state of Maryland the world the universe that fit this description. I should have known that if I was unable to decide on a $40 shower curtain that picking out furniture was going to be 5 billion times harder.
After a few weeks of shopping, I have pretty much given up all hope of finding anything and this project has now gone by the wayside.
Are you noticing a pattern?
The living room redo project has now been replaced with ”Backyard Landscape ’08″. I’ve spent hours looking at garden websites, books, etc. We have drawn up plans (and by plans I mean ridiculous, not to scale pictures of how we want it to look).
We have driven all over town looking at stones, mulch, plants, fountains, lights and whatever else you could possibly think of that could fit in our tiny yard.
Then we did the unthinkable. We had a truckload of pea gravel delivered to our house. It sits in our driveway taunting us to actually finish the project.
“Get your shovel. Move me. I’m here. You need to put me somewhere,” I hear the pea gravel whispering when I go out to get the mail.
This is my project for today. There will be wheelbarrows, shovels and lots of sweat involved.
Please cheer me on so that I can for once see something through to the end. Please tell me I’m not the only one who is a little ADD when it comes to home projects.
I’ll post some before and after shots when we finish. We will finish.
In the meantime, head over to 5 Minutes for Mom to check out what other bloggers are working on today.
WFMW: 5 Secrets To A Clean House
Jenny at Absolutely Bananas has asked for some advice about ways people keep their houses clean. She asks this like there is some sort of secret to doing it. You know what? I think there is.
I believe that there is an Ancient Society of Neat People that holds the key to how to properly keep your home tidy. It is an exclusive club that you are born into. Sometimes I think that the members of this society keep this a secret because it makes them feel superior to those of us who are in the Messy Club.
I’m in the Messy Club.
Surprisingly, all of my friends are neat. Every single one of them. And I’ve watched them. Oh yes, when they weren’t looking I’ve picked up on some of their housekeeping ways.
(I also keep thinking that maybe if I hang around with them long enough that some of their neatness will actually rub off on me, but unfortunately this hasn’t happened yet. Yes, it seems only the yucky things like lice, pink eye and the flu are contagious. You can’t catch the cleaning bug.)
I’ve also watched countless hours of Clean House, Clean Sweep, Mission Organization, and Neat (which, by the way, is my third favorite thing to come from Canada after Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams) hoping that maybe they will accidentally leak some of the society’s ancient secrets.
I’ve struggled with this all my life and over the years I have learned a few things from all this observing. These five things have really worked for me when I do them. The key is finding the motivation to actually doing them on a consistent basis. I think that is the real secret. The secret that the members will never give away and the shows will never reveal.
Hopefully these tips will be helpful to Jenny and any other “domestically-challenged” individuals out there:
1. Go on a Cleaning Blitz: I set my timer for as much time as I have or feel like dedicating to a given room. It is usually about 30 minutes. Then I work like a maniac to straighten, dust, vacuum, etc…
2. Make The Job Fun to Get It Done: This could be just putting on some music or maybe listening to a book on cd or a podcast while you clean. (My mom swears by having the tv on, but that has never worked for me. I get too sidetracked and end up sitting down with my feet on the couch. I do better with just listening to something fun or interesting.)
3. Reward Yourself: It is important to reward your efforts. There are many different kinds of treats, but you have to find out what is most motivating to you. Maybe it’s a bubble bath or an hour with a good book after your cleaning blitz. (I’d love to say my treat didn’t involve chocolate, but who am I kidding.) I’ve even set long term goals with bigger and better treats in the past. For example, if I vacuum every day for a week, I might treat myself to going to see a movie or a bottle of red wine. I’ve even thought of trying to reward myself for a month’s worth of progress with something really awesome like a massage, but sadly I haven’t been able to stay focused enough to do that..
4. When In Doubt, Throw it Out: If you haven’t used something in the past year, get rid of it. If you aren’t sure whether you may need it or not, I always lean toward just letting it go. If it’s not something that is used on a regular basis, it is probably a good chance that you don’t need it. It is so much easier to clean if you have less clutter sitting around.
5. There Is No Perfect Time To Clean: Look for small bits of time to do mini-jobs. See a finger print on the wall, grab that Magic Eraser and wipe it off. Crumbs on the floor? How long would it really take to sweep it up? Probably not even five minutes. It’s these little things that really start adding up and keep the house looking great.
Now, if I could only follow my own advice. See I know what to do, but just have trouble actually doing it.
For more great tips, visit Works for Me Wednesday at Rocks in My Dryer.
Edited to add that this post is also part of Jenny’s Housekeeping Tips Carnival.
I am so looking forward to reading all the good tips everyone has to share!
Tackle It Tuesday
Welcome to another installment of “My House Is Messier Than Yours”. This week I’m tackling the messiest closet in my house–the toy closet. I’m almost too embarrassed to actually post these pictures. My husband was horrified to see that I was actually posting these pictures. I reassured him that everyone who reads my blog is kind and wouldn’t judge, so you now have to live up to my promises.
Remember how last week I showed the baskets and how I can stuff them like the wind. Well, the same talent can be used for closets. Take a look at the Closet of Doom:
This is actually a walk-in closet, but with all this stuff it is more of a look-in or reach-in closet. Or in my case, a run-away-from-it-and-scream closet.
I took everything out of the closet that was on the floor. Then I sorted it into four piles (donate, trash, put away and sell at our yardsale). I came up with 4 bags of things to donate:
Here are two pictures of the completed project:
To see more tackles, head on over to 5 Minute for Moms.
Tackle It Tuesday
One of the very few talents that I have in life is being able to cram as many objects into a container as humanly possible. If there was a world record for stuffing I’d be sure to hold it. I have all these handy dandy baskets that are supposed to help “organize” me, but when you are a piler/stuffer they seem to do just the opposite.
Take this basket that I have on my microwave. This is what I like to call the “in box” . This is where I put papers that I don’t feel like dealing with at the moment. As you can see, I have serious avoidance issues.
Here is another basket that gets its fair share of stuffing. This one hangs on the door at the top of my basement steps to hold stuff that needs to be carried downstairs. As you can see, I also have a some issues with stairclimbing as well.
I have to give a shout out to the 3M company. They have invented one of the most excellent products products ever made called the Adhesive Command Hook. These things are awesome on so many different levels. They don’t do any damage to your wall, but my praise lies in how strong they are. The fact that it can withstand the sheer volume of stuff that I pile in that basket is evidence enough of its greatness. I think the door would fall down before that thing.
My last tackle was the basket of shame that holds my stationary.
To say that this isn’t working is an understatement. Last week I purchased a new container of sorts and went through the awful mess that was in the old basket. There were quite a few things that needed to be thrown away–I mean who needs three pencil sharpeners? We have an electric pencil sharpener now (Best. Purchase. Ever.), so why would we need even one of those dreadful twisty, manual ones anymore, let alone three. They annoy the heck out of me anyway with how they always seem to break the point right before you are done sharpening it.
Also, I had more pens, pencils and notecards than I knew what to do with. Considering I haven’t written a letter since email was invented I doubt that I’ll really have much use for all of this so I got rid of most of them.
Here are the after pictures. First, the new stationary center:
The basket at the top of the stairs and the in box are both empty.
They will remain empty until the barrage of papers that come home with my kids from school. I’m convinced that their goal in life is not educating my children, but deforestation of the entire world.
For more tackles, head on over to 5 Minutes for Mom.
5 Reasons Procrastinators Don’t Like Spring
All around the blogosphere and the real world outside of my computer, I keep hearing people shouting out the praises of spring. How beautiful it is and all that jazz. Well, I’m here to rain on everyone’s parade. Sure, I love spring as much as the next person, but I do have a few things to gripe about. I realize that my issue isn’t with spring itself and all its beautiful splendor, but combine it with my own terrible habit of procrastination and we’ve got a serious problem. So I present to you a list (because if you haven’t already figured it out, I love lists) of The 5 Reasons Why Procrastinators (Like Me) Don’t Like Spring:
1. Seeing our arms in short sleeves is scary. Very scary. You know that resolution you made on New Year’s Day? Yeah, that pesky little thing called diet and exercise. Well, if you are a procrastinator like me, you probably never got around to it. Oh and when you combine the flab with the paleness it just becomes a total nightmare. Being pale like Nicole Kidman only works on Nicole Kidman because she is thin and it almost doesn’t work for her.
2. Going every other day without shaving is over. Heck, who are we kidding, we went weeks between shaving our legs everyday and now that capris and skirts have been pulled out of storage, this must all come to an end. We sure don’t want our kids’ friends asking them why their mom is part bear. On a more serious note, I’m sure this will make my husband a happier guy. Oh I guess this is also where we complain about having to do weekly pedicures as that hasn’t happened since September either.
3. Gardening is a new task that must be added to the to do list that we ignore daily. When everyone else’s pretty tulips started blooming it reminded us that we also ignored “Plant bulbs” on the to do list last fall.
4. Waiting until the last minute to go shopping for new spring clothes for the kids is not a good thing. Due to putting that off, it seems that my son’s shorts are now fitting like those good old OP corduroy classic shorts for way back in the day. For those not familiar, see exhibit A:
Thank the Lord these have gone away. Note to fashion world: Please don’t anyone think of bringing them back. Men’s shorts should never, EVER, be that short.
5. Spring cleaning. These two words are like nails on the chalkboard to procrastinators. The pressure to finally get the house into some state of order and cleanliness is in full force this time of year.
Now I leave you with a cute picture I found that I’d love to hang in my office one day:
Confessions of a Hopeless Homemaker
I was sitting in my pajamas a few days ago reading through all my favorite blogs. Now this wouldn’t sound like such a bad thing except that it was almost one o’clock in the afternoon. The house was in complete shambles. I’m sure you can picture it–dishes piled up in the sink, laundry waiting to be folded on the couch, and a multitude of other items strewn about the floor. (Note: If you can’t picture it that means you are some kind of complete neat freak who never has one of those days and has no business reading this blog. Leave now before you I corrupt you.)
Basically, I was having a slacker day. I don’t do it all the time, but this was just one of those days that I really couldn’t get moving. So I indulged myself in a little laziness.
So I’m just sitting there, eating me some good cookies, reading me some good blogs, and feeling generally content with the world when I hear a key in the front door. There were only two people it could be-my mom or my husband- and either one would mean complete mortification. Yet there was nothing I could do. There was no way I had enough time to do a quick pick up, get dressed, and make myself look a little less like this:
There might be some of you asking yourself, “What’s the big deal?” Well, the thing is, my husband has been trying to nudge me to go back to work now that the kids are both in school all day. I told him that it would be much better for me the family if I am home because I can get things done during the day and we’ll have better quality time on the nights and weekends. Well if he wasn’t buying it before, he sure isn’t buying it now.
So when he walked through the door I probably had the same look on my face as I would have if he had caught me with the milk man (Can I just ask a question-why aren’t there milk men anymore? I’m constantly running out for it and I’d love to have a cute guy in a white uniform bring me some, but that is a whole other post). Anyway, I asked him why he was home in the middle of the day (hoping he didn’t just quit or get fired from his job and then I really would have to go back to work–the horrors). He said he forgot some folder, blah, blah, blah. Next it was his turn to ask why I was still not dressed and the house was such a mess.
The way I saw it, I had 3 choices:
1. I could tell the truth and admit that he is right. I’m really only productive about an hour before he gets home and I should probably get a job to make up for the other 7 hours in the day. (Of course that isn’t going to happen.)
2. I could lie and make up some mystery illness. The only problem with that is that I don’t lie to him. About anything. I’m a terrible liar, so I knew I’d start laughing in the middle of faking my malady and I’d be stuck resorting to option #1. (Of course that could never happen.)
3. Deflect him with sex, sports or food. Husbands are pretty easy to trick. Since there was no food to speak of and I had no new sports trivia to offer, I was left with only one option. (And that is as far as the story will go because this is a pg rated blog with only mild references to sexual content. You’ll have to use your imagination. Or please don’t because that would just be too creepy.)
So, there you have it. In two minutes one hour, I have managed to pretty much reverse the progress of the women’s rights movement. You can thank me later.
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