A Few Things That Must Be Discussed

At the checkout line of the grocery store yesterday, I was perusing the covers of the tabloids to get my celebrity gossip fix.

Now, I don’t typically read Star magazine.  To me, they seem like the black sheep of the tabloid family.  If I’m going to read a trashy magazine, I at least want it to be somewhat reputable.  I guess I’d say I’m more of an US Weekly kind of girl.  

However there was something on the cover of Star this week that made me do a double take.  Can you figure out which story it was:

 

While I’m concerned for Angie’s mental state as much as the next person (she is a mother of 6 so of course she is going to need therapy), that isn’t the story that grabbed my attention. 

If you guessed Jen’s Hot Nights with Leo you would be right!  Now that is a celebrity pairing that I wasn’t expecting.  I tried to read as much of the article as I could in the short amount of time I had.  It is a scientific fact that lines will move faster when trying to read a tabloid magazine. 

(Parenting Tip:  Get the kids to put all the groceries from the cart to the belt so you will have more time to read the article.  If they complain, threaten to put back the fruit snacks that you agreed to let them buy with their own money. Ignore the mean glares from other shoppers because it is taking your kids much longer than it would take for you to put the groceries up.  It is your job to teach kids responsibility.)

From what I could gather in the article and also from some investigating online, it seems that Jen has a crush on Leo and has been flirting with him.  This may or may not be directly related to the statement he made to Parade about being ready to settle down:

“Just last night I was thinking to myself how little of my life has been lived normally and not spent on some far-off movie location. I want to get married and have children. In saying that, I realize I am contradicting everything I’ve said before. I absolutely believe in marriage.”

I doubt there is any truth to the rumors, but I still have to ask this one question:

 Jen, why do you insist on wanting to date guys who are younger than you? 

Yes, Leo is gorgeous.  I know the statement that he made about wanting to settle down was really sweet.  Trust me, I get it.  My baby making factory has been closed down for 7 years, but I would totally be willing to reopen it for him.  I completely understand why you would want Leo, but Jen, this has heartbreak written all over it.  I know your clock is ticking, but I really don’t think Leo is the answer.

Do you all agree with me?  Should Jen pursue her Leo crush?  Do you think they would make a cute couple?  What would their celebrity name be?  If not, who else would be a good match for Jen? 

If Jen strikes out with Leo and still wants a baby, she could always get a Baby Wee Wee.  Have you seen the latest commercial for this strange doll?   Watch this video and then we can discuss:

 

Have toymakers gone too far with this one?  Is it necessary to have a doll with a moving penis? 

Thankfully my daughter doesn’t play with dolls and while her stuffed animals may collect dust and take up a lot of space, at least they don’t pee on anyone’s face.

October 7, 2008 | Filed Under Daily Gossip | 19 Comments 

First Time For Everything

For the past few nights, I have been trying to get into bed before midnight (ok, so I know for most people this is still really late, but trust me when I say this is progress).  Let me tell you, I’ve noticed some really interesting side effects, but most notably, I’m not tired the next day.  Imagine that! 

I’m doing this because it is a part of my goal for the Looking Fine by 2009 Challenge.  The first two bloggers to take the plunge and join me in this challenge by posting about it on their blog are Jen at Momma Blogs Alot and Becks at Little Miss Pearsonality.  Please take a minute to go over and cheer them on. 

You’ll notice their links are on my sidebar under the banner.  I hope to add to this list daily, so please let me know if you put your post up.  How is everyone doing with their goals?  I’m doing well with the diet, sleep and water, but can’t seem to wrap my mind around the exercise part.  I keep thinking, oh I would work out if I belonged to a gym.  Or, I’d work out if I had elliptical machine.  Or, I’d work out if I could find a dvd that was really fun.  Excuses, excuses, excuses.  I just need to DO IT!!!  If I could burn calories by making excuses I’d look like Jennifer Aniston by now.

For the first time ever, I’m guest posting over at someone else’s blog.  Let me tell you, I nearly had a stroke trying to figure out something to write about that wouldn’t be about Ryan Gosling boring.  The most pressure came from the fact that the blogger who asked me to write a post was none other than McMommy herself.  She is one of my favorite bloggers of all time (by all time I mean the past 2 years that I’ve been reading blogs).  I pretty much love every post she does. 

I stressed about it for days, but then I remembered that you should always write about what you know and what you are most passionate about.  I didn’t think McMommy’s readers would appreciate my love of Gosling.  I know about Disney World, but again, not exactly McMommy material (although she used to work for Disney–how awesome is that!!).  I could write about how much I love my family, but again, nobody wants to read that. They’d just end up hating me for being a big ole bragger.

What else am I obsessed with?  It finally hit me–  Blogging!

My guest post is all about the trouble you can get into when you start blogging.  If you are a non-blogger, you will not understand any of this.

So, click on over to read The Stages of Blog Addiction.  Oh, but before you go, leave a comment here or else I’ll get the shakes.  You wouldn’t want to be responsible for that, now would you?

 

August 27, 2008 | Filed Under Link Love, Looking Fine by 2009 | 19 Comments 

An Open Letter to John Mayer Part 3

Dear John Mayer,

I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but I’m breaking up with you.

I think you are a really great guy–talented, charming, funny, sexy.  It is just that you did something that I am finding really hard to get over.

It wasn’t the fact that I read an article in US Weekly that said that you liked having kinky sex with your girlfriends and telling everyone about it.

I can forgive you for that. (Truth be told, I was only slightly turned on disturbed by this.)

It wasn’t that you may or may not have been caught in a hot tub with 4 girls in Cabo after Jennifer Aniston may or may not have broken up with you because you may or may not have cheated on her with a fan.

I can forgive you for that since I appreciate entertainers who are friendly with their fans.

It wasn’t even that the article said the only reason you dated Jennifer in the first place was to see why Brad Pitt wouldn’t want her.

That is just plain mean, and didn’t sound like the man that writes such heartfelt love songs.  I would never believe any of these vicious lies.

There is just one thing that I just can’t get over.  The final straw that broke the camel’s back was when I saw the video of you talking about your breakup with Jennifer Aniston. 

I appreciate you trying to clear the air, but I just can’t get over the fact that you did this to your hair:

 

Why, John, why?  It just doesn’t make any sense.  You looked so hot with your boyish, retro 80’s cut.  Why mess with a good thing?

I stuck with you during your freakishly big hair days, because I figured it was just a phase you were going through.  Maybe you were just trying to look like your girlfriend at the time, Jessica Simpson:

You may not have gotten the memo, John, but only one of my pretend boyfriends has my permission to shave their head and that is him:

Ok, and maybe him (but only when he is playing the role of a sexy police cadet for a movie):

But you (and James McAvoy) are not allowed to do this.  Ever.

I can find it in my heart to forgive you for this indiscretion (and all the other stuff if in the off chance any of it is true) if you could do me one little, teeny, tiny favor.

You see, you are doing another one of those cruises.  You know, the one where you pulled this stunt:

And I would LOVE to go, but there is one little problem.  I spent the remainder of our vacation fund on last year’s trip to Disney World and my husband has put his foot down about taking anymore vacations until next summer. 

Since your Mayercraft Carrier departs in March, that presents a bit of a problem.

So, I am once again petitioning you (and the Universe).  If you could find it in your heart to give away one empty stateroom (preferably next to yours), I would love to accompany you on this little voyage. 

Ok, and my husband would of course have to come too, but these are just minor details.

Thank you for your time and feel free to email me about the cruise.

Jen (Last Name is not Aniston)

August 19, 2008 | Filed Under Boy Crazy Forever, I'm A Complainer | 18 Comments